You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
