with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
