i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
