The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
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I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
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Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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