i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
