Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
