ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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