I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
