He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
