saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
