Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
