I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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