that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
