I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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