And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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