therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
