all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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