you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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