He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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