idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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