We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
