Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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