I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
