I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My balls are so social today.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
