i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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