the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
