I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
