Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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