Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
