can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
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Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
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I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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