Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so let's talk penis.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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