Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
