girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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