You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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