Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
