i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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