your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize