what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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