Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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