he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
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