Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
