i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
