I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
