We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize