I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
