Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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