i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
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Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
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I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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