absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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