its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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