Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
