Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
