No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We talked him into tasing himself.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
