Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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