fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
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So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were destined to go to rehab together
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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