omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize