I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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