i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
