But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
