i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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