he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
