I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
