i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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