That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
