what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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