I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
